I recently made a huge mistake. I treated this blog, a public blog, like my diary, recording my every feeling, both conscious and subconscious, onto it without a second thought, and not deleting anything from the things I was typing. I realize this mistake, and I apologize for anything that I might have said, for any perceptions I might have changed, for any feelings I hurt. A post that initially started as a criticism at myself, and how I’ve learned to adapt, turned into a vicious attack onto others, something that I never anticipated for I didn’t even realize that I was feeling the things that I was typing. The vicious monster that was emerging from my innermost feelings had been previously unrecognized and unanticipated, so upon reading what I wrote, I was shocked and disappointed at myself. This attack was a result of rants that now I am wary of. I realize where I was (and am) at fault, I realize and recognize and have named the monsters and the skeletons that have been hiding in my closet, and I am resolved to change it. But until I can truly become the better person who I want to be (and until now, had truly believed myself to be) I’ve started another, secondary private blog, which I am going to update. If you really want to know every single thought that runs through my head, pretty or ugly, ask for the password, and I might give it to you. jocelyno.tumblr.com.
Goodbye, tumblr #1. It was good knowing you. Maybe I can update you again, when I can shamelessly say the things going through my head (and things not going through my head as well), for they have all become positive thoughts. I hope that day will someday come, but until then I must say farewell.
If I feel up to it, I might transfer all of these posts onto the new private one, and delete them on this one. Who knows? Depends on my mood, I suppose (which a lot of things seem to revolve around). Or maybe I should leave all this crap on this one.. serve as a memory, a motivation..
train this ain’t goodbye